A Certain Encounter: Thomas Paine

I was walking down the street one mild spring day when who should I happen to encounter but old Tom Paine author of Common Sense, The Rights of Man, The Age of Reason, Agrarian Justice, etc...etc...Tom looked pretty good for a guy who was almost 275 years old. A little jaundice in the cheeks perhaps, but I guess that he has been getting regular prostrate exams and taking a statin to maintain a decent cholesterol level. I was able to immediately recognize him by his long waistcoat, knee breeches and buckled shoes along with his prominent roman nose. I stopped him and asked him if he were indeed Thomas Paine the writer.
"My good sir" said he "I am indeed that man, author of Common Sense, The Rights of Man, The Age of Reason, Agrarian Justice...etc...etc...what can I do for you on this most pleasant May day in the 236th year of independence and freedom from that tyrannical despot King George!"
"Well sir... I must say that I am overwhelmed to be talking to a man of your capacity...but I would like to ask you a question...will you humor me?"
"Indeed sir... ask! come on...come on...out with it!" he said impatiently.
"Well sir..." I stammered "do you really believe that we are free and independent?"
A puzzled look crossed Paine's statuesque and dignified features. He then cocked an eyebrow, tilted his head at an awkward angle, leaned somewhat forward, and said bluntly but forcefully "Well sir...what do you think?"

                                        Common Sense by Thomas Paine

I must say that I was taken aback by his throwing my own question back at me, as I expected some well thought out, erudite, probably somewhat preachy response from a man of his stature. So what did I do...I merely shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't really know what to think."
Paine cocked his eyebrow again. "you don't?...well tell me what form of government you support?"
Again I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't really know that either" I said.
Paine let out an exasperated, mocking laugh and looked at me square in the face over a pair of bushy eyebrows. "you don't seem to know much about anything sir do you?"
One again I shrugged. "I guess not...I must say that I am a bit confused about the current state of things." I stated earnestly.
"Confused?...sir do YOU have any convictions whatsoever?" he asked condescendingly.
"Not really" I replied "I guess that I am a sort of fence sitter...everything is so confusing. I seem to find myself going round and round in circles going this way, going that way, I don't know what to think half the time."
Paine moved closer to me, getting in my face, I could smell his halitosis as he pushed a bony finger in my chest "Sir" he sang at me "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial appearance of being right and at first raises a formidable outcry in defence of custom, but... SIR...the tumult soon subsides....TIME! makes more converts than reason!...Think that over SIR!"
I had had enough of Paine's finger and I pushed him back. Paine got a wild look in his eyes.
"You impudent scoundrel sir!" he exclaimed, and I almost thought that he was going to challenge me to a dual...until I remembered that he was against duelling. Instead I was surprised when he took a swing at me. I ducked. We then squared off, Paine taking a stance resembling some 18th century version of what an MMA fighter might have looked like. It was an appalling spectacle. I must say that I did not think the contest quite fair, after all my opponent was nearly three centuries old. However, he was persistent so I reluctantly obliged him. Paine landed a few ineffectual jabs, and then attempted a roundhouse kick but I blocked it which caused the old sage to lose his balance and land on his revolutionary butt.
"Ha! not a lot of Common Sense in this is there Paine!" I exclaimed boldly.
Paine was raging mad. "I'll have you yet you bloody Tory!"
Somehow the old man was able to grab me in a headlock and pound at my skull with his bony fists, but I soon extricated myself from this. After we both threw a series of ineffectual punches that completely missed their target we decided to call the heated contest off. At that moment the clock struck the top of the hour and we heard the distinct sound of a church bell not too far distant. Paine looked at me, a disagreeable expression on his ancient face.
"Those infernal bell!...My own mind is my own church damn it!...say old chap, how about a cup of coffee?"
I shrugged again "sounds good to me Mr. Paine"
"Do you always have to shrug Sir! Paine scolded me as we walked together, best of friends toward old Will's coffee house.
It was only then that I realized that he had answered my question.